When You Cannot Say No

Can’t say no when someone insists you eat that extra slice of cake? But you immediately feel guilty after eating it? You might have the disease to please. And it might be sabotaging your goal to loose weight.

Usually if you have this problem, it does not just effect your eating habits. In your desire to please people and avoid conflict, people pleasers act out of fear. Frequently saying yes to favors and extra responsibilities when you really want to say no, can negatively impact your mental and physical well being. In order to stop eating extra food that others press upon you, you must first understand your need to please.

It is normal to value yourself.
Being selfish is different than caring for your own emotional and physical needs. Investing in your health ensure that you will have a longer life to care for your loved ones. Taking care of yourself shows that you value yourself. The people who truly love you will still love you when you say no occasionally. You need to give yourself permission to say no, especially when it comes to eating more than normal at the urging of someone else. You do not need to do things that make you feel resentful, selfish, or guilty.

Give yourself thinking time.
In order to stop an automatic yes response, it is crucial to give yourself some thinking time. Just say, ‘Let me think about it,’ ‘Let me talk to my husband/wife first,’ ‘Let me check my calendar first,’ or ‘Let the food in my stomach settle first,’ or ‘Let me take the leftover home.’ If pressed further, just keep repeating the line firmly until the person asking the favor or the extra responsibility understand that you are not going to commit until you have some time to think it over.

Practice until you can say no without stammering or embarrassment.
Most people pleasers are unused to disappointing people. ‘No’ is a complete sentence. Do not feel as if you need to elaborate. The more you elaborate, the more people feel like they need to convince you to change your mind. The more you say no to extra responsibilities, the more time you have available for the people or things that you truly care about. Some people will make you feel guilty in order to get rid of the responsibility, but that is their problem, not yours.

Learn to delegate.
Most people pleasers are already overloaded with existing responsibilities. If you take on a new responsibility, delegate an existing responsibility to lighten your load. Be specific when asking for help. Family and friends might want to help, but they are not mind readers.

Your value of yourself should not be based upon the approval of others. People pleasing is something that you can unlearn, just like eating when you are not hungry is an unhealthy habit that you can unlearn. It just might take both of us more time than we want.

Until next time and thanks for stopping by.