Growing up skinny made it very difficult for me to change my eating habits. I grew up with people telling me to eat and with the belief that I can eat whatever and whenever I want. I was not an athletic kid, but I did not need activity to keep my weight under control. I never had any food issues because I ate to fuel the body. So what changed?
My intro to American food
My diet changed from my mom’s traditional Chinese cooking to the typical American fare you find at any college dorm. As my eating became more Americanize, so did my waistline. As I got heavier, my relationship with food became more complex. A lot of socializing in college involved junk food. When I was in a relationship, I put on “happy” fat. I was 20 pounds heavier my senior year in college, but it was distributed evenly though my body. I figured I was just gaining my “adult weight.” Thinking back, it was a good thing I did not have money to buy more food when I was in college. How can I be a “starving college student” when I was still able to pack on 20 pounds in 4 years? Obviously, I was not starving when it came to food.
My relationship with food
Emotionally I was not ready to accept the fact that my relationship with food needs to change. Even after college, I felt that I should be able to eat like I did in my childhood. I have half-heartedly tried going to the gym and SlimFast with a small degree of success during college. But as soon as life got busier, it was the first thing I got rid off. I was still walking around with my childhood mental image of “myself.” I refused to acknowledge that I need to update my mental image of “myself” in order to proceed forth and change.
This year I am ready to change. I cannot keep “treating” myself with food for every small victory in my professional and personal life. I am starting to understand some of my underlying emotions with food and its relationship with the people in my life. And I hope as I am able to separate the emotions from the food then I can make a permanent change. With the small successes I have experienced in my professional career since college, I finally realize that I have the discipline to do what it takes to succeed. I want to expend the effort now to change my lifestyle, to lay the foundation, so that as my new married life become busier, I would be able to fall back on good habits.
Until next time and thanks for stopping by Small Steps to Health.
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Loved your post! It’s been really helpful 
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